JAKE: I...

JAKE: Who...

JAKE: Dirk?????

DIRK: You're welcome.

JAKE: But... youre dead!

DIRK: Nah.

JAKE: Yes you are i know that much. I saw your body! I carried your coffin chock full of all those stupid fucking swords!

DIRK: Nope.

JAKE: Dont nope me mister!

JAKE: I know a dead dirk when i see one!

DIRK: Sure you do. But that wasn't me. Are you really surprised to find out I got a couple of spares?

JAKE: So what youre saying is you arent my dirk.

DIRK: ...That is a whole 'nother conversation that we really don't have time for, pertaining to exactly who or what 'your dirk' actually constitutes.

DIRK: Do you mean the Dirk from your timeline?

DIRK: Then yes, that Dirk is dead.

DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you fucked and then ghosted, no, I'm not your Dirk.

DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you felt closest to, that you really knew--

JAKE: I thought you said we didnt have time for this conversation!

JAKE: I just want to know how you can be here and also in the ground!

DIRK: You let a guy spend a couple decades as a dominatrix's trophy husband and he forgets all about his old friends.

DIRK: Fuckin rough.

DIRK: What about the good times, Jake? What about when I almost made you shit your pants in front of a blue girl?

JAKE: Ahhh! Brain ghost dirk!

DIRK: In the ghosty flesh.

JAKE: Crumbs bro where have you been?

JAKE: I could have used someone on my side!

JAKE: You just disappeared one day without even the odd toodaloo to mark your passing!

DIRK: That isn't strictly true. I did disappear, but it was in a catastrophic blaze of hope-drenched pathos. I even threw out a couple one-liners.

DIRK: But you wouldn't remember that.

JAKE: Because...it was a different dirk?

DIRK: No, a different Jake.

DIRK: Until recently there's been a shortage of ambient narrative relevance for Dirks, since one particular motherfucker has been sucking it all up like a thirsty little twink at his first interspecies rave.

JAKE: Twink?

JAKE: Cripes this is confusing.

JAKE: It appears that no matter what timeline were inhabiting i can count on you to be absolutely impenetrable!

DIRK: Don't worry about it right now, it's not important. I'm here, and that's what matters.

JAKE: I suppose ill just have to trust you!