(==>)

VRISKA: I've 8een away for... a while.

VRISKA: And-

CALLIOPE: HOW WAS IT!!!

CALLIOPE: oh my goodness, i'm sorry, bUt i can't keep it in any longer!

CALLIOPE: i need to know!

CALLIOPE: ... actUally, for everyone's benefit, i think it does behoove Us to provide a little context.

CALLIOPE: yoU see-

VRISKA: Hey Calliope?

CALLIOPE: yes?

VRISKA: Can you do me a favor?

CALLIOPE: what's that?

VRISKA: Please, with allllllll due respect, shut the fuck up!

CALLIOPE: :U

VRISKA: Here's the long and short of it, after which I NEVER want to explain or hear this explained again:

VRISKA: The first thing you all need to understand is that this universe is the sort of funhouse mirror image of another universe.

CALLIOPE: w-

VRISKA: WE'RE SHUTTING THE FUCK UP NOW!

VRISKA: Anyway.

VRISKA: Roxy and Calliope 8rought me to a machine they 8uilt to sta8ilize the singularity of the 8lack hole that contains the entirety of this universe.

VRISKA: The reason they 8rought me there was 8ecause that 8lack hole is in the process of collapsing, and when it does everything here is fully and utterly fucked.

VRISKA: Apocalyptically, end-of-the-world fucked.

VRISKA: For reasons I'm not going to get too into 8ut, long story short, have to do with me 8eing kind of a 8ig deal, they 8rought me to the singularity to do something a8out that and hopefully save you all.

VRISKA: So I spent 8 human years (fake ass measure of time, 8y the way) from my point of view trapped in the singularity, gaining the power to do that!

VRISKA: ........ yes, Calliope, I can see you raising your hand.

VRISKA: What.

CALLIOPE: what was it like in there?

VRISKA: I'm glad you asked!

VRISKA: Most of it sucked.

VRISKA: Like pup8ing all over again.

VRISKA: 8ut... I had a few good people in there with me, more cookies than was reasona8le, and I'm proud to announce that I learned a lot of shit a8out myself.

VRISKA: Most importantly, I know for certain where I need to 8e.

VRISKA: And I have more power than I know what to do with!

CALLIOPE: enoUgh to save the Universe?

VRISKA: Mmmmmmmm.

VRISKA: I guess this is the awkward part.

VRISKA: So, no.

VRISKA: Not this universe.

VRISKA: Unfortun8ly, I think this one is just a8out played out.

VRISKA: You peaked!

VRISKA: Now I can 8ust everyone who matters (to me ::::y) out of here 8efore it collapses.

LOB 5: Even me?

VRISKA: Who the fuck are you?

MEENAH: yo lob5 fuck off for a bit

LOB 5: Roger.

ROXY: wait...

ROXY: hold on, so youre sayin all our shit is like

ROXY: doomed?

VRISKA: Extremely doomed, yes. Seriously, stop interrupting me.

VRISKA: 8ut, as I said, I can get all you guys out of here! Hell Tier gave me a pretty comprehensive lay of the land, metaphysically speaking, and we can move on from this 8ummer aaaaaaaaltogether.

KANAYA: Including The Children

KANAYA: ?

VRISKA: Of course! That's actually where shit gets real interesting.

VRISKA: Turns out they're all needed on the other side, for a very, very special game.

JOHN: wait, you don't mean...

VRISKA: Oh, 8ut I do.

JOHN: :D

JADE: D:<

JADE: NO WAY!

JOHN: what?

JOHN: why not?

JADE: im not going anywhere with her, and im CERTAINLY not letting my daughter anywhere near the game!

KARKAT: LEST WE FORGET, WE ALSO HAVE A WHOLE FUCKING SOCIETY TO FIX HERE.

JANE: mmHnn mmf hMNH-

JANE: BZZT!

JAKE: While im of no disposition to agree with my other halfs head, shes right about this one.

JAKE: We havent really got the wiggle room for this "here we go again" hullabaloo.

MEENAH: for once we agree on somefin

VRISKA: No offense, 8ut isn't that what you're all stuck doing anyways? At least this way you could all see what an actual game looks like instead of the crapshoot you got stuck with.

KANAYA: And Then What

KANAYA: Watch You Play Hero Again

KANAYA: ?

KANAYA: Youve Only Just Returned And Youre Already Right Back To Dragging Everyone Into Some Self-Aggrandizing And Probably Highly Dangerous Redemptive Bullshit

KANAYA: Its Just Not Productive

KANAYA: Its Not Even Funny Vriska

KANAYA: At Best Its Boring And At Worst It Is Incredibly Sad

KANAYA: Either Way I Am Not Particularly Interested In Participating In That Kind Of Mess All Over Again

KANAYA: Once Is Enough

VRISKA: 8ut it won't 8e the same, 8ecause I'm not the same. I'm done trying to play hero.

KANAYA: Then What *Is* Your Game

VRISKA: That's it, I don't have one!

VRISKA: I'm... normal now.