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KARKAT: NOT GOING WELL?

DAVE: its just boring

DAVE: im bored writing it im bored reading it

DAVE: another piece of crap to put on the garbage pile of worthless trash for wiping my ass

KARKAT: YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT HIM AGAIN, AREN'T YOU?

DAVE: hell no

KARKAT: DAVE, YOU KNOW I'M THE LAST PERSON TO SHAME YOU ON THIS SUBJECT, SO WHY YOU WON'T ADMIT TO AT LEAST UNCONCIOUSLY COMPETING WITH YOUR OLDER ALTERNATE FUTURE SELF FROM THE PAST IS BEYOND ME.

DAVE: because im not

DAVE: because that would be dumb as hell

DAVE: and grossly insecure

DAVE: but on some hypothetical shit if i was then id be mulling over why the fuck it is he got all the saucy societal accolades and i got review bombed like crazy

KARKAT: DAVE, THEY WATCHED HIS FINITE SBAHJ OUVRE FOR 5 THOUSAND YEARS, AND IT MADE THEM A BUNCH OF CULTURELESS HACKS.

KARKAT: I READ MORE OF THOSE REVIEWS THAN YOU DID AND EVERY ARGUMENT I HAD WITH THOSE DOUCHEBAGS CONFIRMED IT WITHOUT A DOUBT, WE MADE A PLANET OF HACKS.

KARKAT: I LOVED YOUR MOVIE. IT WAS SO OBVIOUSLY YOU.

KARKAT: SURE, OTHER DAVE MADE A DEEPLY PSYCHOLOGICAL WORK THAT WAS AN EXTENSIVE EXPLORATION OF NIHILISM IN THE FACE OF CIVILIZATIONAL COLLAPSE BUT I COULD GIVE A FLYING... CRAP ABOUT THAT.

KARKAT: SBAHJ:REAWAKENED WAS PERSONAL, IT HAD LONGING IN IT.

DAVE: my unbearable longing to tongue you maybe

KARKAT: YES, TONGUE!

KARKAT: HA HA HA!

KARKAT: SCREWING OUR HEADS BACK ON STRAIGHT THOUGH! AND I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M THE ONE SUGGESTING THIS, BUT WHY DON'T YOU FOREGO THE RIVALRY ALL TOGETHER AND DO SOMETHING NEW?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: it has been a while since i made some music

DAVE: anyways i know youre hard at work over there

DAVE: so i appreciate you listening to all my bullshit about failing to make art when you could be succeeding at making art

DAVE: can i ask one more favor

DAVE: can i get a hug

KARKAT: OOOOOOOOOOH... DEAR.

DAVE: a quick squeezy

DAVE: nothing too greedy

KARKAT: DAVE...

DAVE: unless you want me deeply

DAVE: in which case itd be so freely easy to appease me and please me

KARKAT: DAVE, PLEASE.

DAVE: just give the word bro fuck this writing shit

DAVE: ill drop down like a beast

DAVE: start oinking and rolling in the mud and digging for truffles

DAVE: full fucking pig mode i dont care

KARKAT: DAVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DAVE: shit too much pig talk

DAVE: i lost myself there

DAVE: lets roll back then lets keep it dirty though

KARKAT: NO, UNFORTUNATELY YOUR IMPRESSION OF SOME LOWLY POTBELLY BEAST IS NOT THE PROBLEM HERE.

KARKAT: I AM!

KARKAT: I'M WEAK, DAVE.

KARKAT: THE AIR IN THIS ROOM IS *HEAVY* WITH THIS AGGRAVATED MAGNETIC CHARGE YOU RARELY INDULGE IN, AND IT HAS OBLITERATED EVERY OUNCE OF MY RESOLVE AND PERSONAL CHARACTER.

KARKAT: I KNOW FOR A FACT, IF WE MAKE ANY PHYSICAL CONTACT RIGHT NOW IT'LL BE AT LEAST AN HOUR BEFORE WE LEAVE THIS ROOM AGAIN, IF WE DO AT ALL!!!

DAVE: and that

DAVE: bothers you

KARKAT: NO!!!!!!!!

KARKAT: BUT WE MADE PLANS WITH JAKE, REMEMBER?

DAVE: oh

DAVE: huh

DAVE: i didnt realize his opinion mattered that much

KARKAT: IT DOESN'T, AND HE'S SO EASYGOING IM SURE HE WOULDN'T MIND. BUT IT'S THE PRINCIPLE, DUDE! I GENUINELY CAN'T REMEMBER THE LAST TIME WE WERE EVER ON TIME TO ANY OF THE SHIP ACTIVITIES WE AGREE TO.

KARKAT: AND I HATE IT!

KARKAT: IT'S EMBARRASSING!

KARKAT: WE'RE ALL WITHIN A TEN MINUTE WALK OF EACH OTHER, SO THERE'S REALLY NO EXCUSE FOR US TO EXERCISE SOME SELF CONTROL FOR OUR FRIENDS AND NOT FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

DAVE: fuck

KARKAT: DAVE, DON'T EVEN SAY IT.

KARKAT: I CAN'T BEAR IT RIGHT NOW.

DAVE: oh wow

DAVE: this is going to be hard

KARKAT: ):B

DAVE: i mean

DAVE: arduous