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KARKAT: SIGH.

KARKAT: I'M SORRY DAVE, YOUR BOYFRIEND IS A BRAINLESS, WANTON HUSK.

KARKAT: THAT'S WHY I NEED YOUR HELP HERE. YOU'RE THE ONE WITH SOME SEMBLANCE OF RESTRAINT AND DECORUM IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.

DAVE: me

DAVE: im that guy

DAVE: ?

DAVE: despite fully planning on using that hug to split you like the red sea

KARKAT: WELL.

KARKAT: I SURE AS SHIT AM NOT THAT GUY.

DAVE: this is some biblical level faith and responsibility youre dropping into my lap

DAVE: its absolutely misplaced but i promise to do my damndest to lead us to the promised land of not being known amongst our cohort as useless sex addicts

DAVE: i cant pretend like you dont make a good point

DAVE: i doubt theyve been just forgetting to invite us to their scheming appointments whenever the fuck it is they actually do those

KARKAT: SCHEMING FOR WHAT, FOR WHEN WE GET THERE?

DAVE: well when everyone starts wearing matching super villain fits out of the blue

DAVE: its safe to assume youve missed some important conversations

KARKAT: I THOUGHT THEY WERE JUST DEEPLY AFFECTED BY PLUTO NASH!

KARKAT: WHAT IS THERE TO SCHEME ABOUT ANYWAYS, WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT THE CONDITIONS ARE EVEN GOING TO BE WHEN WE GET THERE.

DAVE: kanaya said she saw a moon with sunglasses in the telescope

KARKAT: SO? I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT.

DAVE: i mean it sounded crazy to me too but i dont know why shed make that up

KARKAT: NOT THAT, DUDE. SHE SHOWED ME THE MOON, IT WAS HIDEOUS.

KARKAT: I'M SAYING THAT I DON'T BELIEVE THEY'D JUST COMPLETELY CUT US OUT OF IMPORTANT TALKS ABOUT THE ENTIRE POINT OF THIS JOURNEY. IT'D BE COMPLETELY RECKLESS AND STUPID AND FRANKLY, *RUDE*.

KARKAT: THERE'S A LOT WE COULD AND SHOULD CONTRIBUTE.

DAVE: i dont want to

KARKAT: I MEAN NEITHER DO I, BUT THEY DON'T GET TO DECIDE THAT.

DAVE: bro take a sec

DAVE: and lets recognize that none of this matters even a little bit

DAVE: because it has nothing to do with us and everything to do with roxy

KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

DAVE: dude is fully set on performing open heart surgery on a dead horse

DAVE: its sad but you cant blame him

DAVE: he has only ever known his little best buddy dirk

DAVE: he wouldnt recognize the significance of a bro roof now if it was tacked to his own door

DAVE: sorry to say bro already decided exactly how this is going to go down

DAVE: nothing to do now but follow through

KARKAT: YOU'RE NOT ACTUALLY OK WITH THAT, ARE YOU?

DAVE: once its over itll be over for good

DAVE: cant complain about that

KARKAT: YEAH, WELL I REMEMBER SOMEONE BEING TOLD HE HAD TO KILL LORD ENGLISH TOO AND THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN!

KARKAT: LET KANAYA KILL HIM!

KARKAT: SHE'S THE ONE THAT ACTUALLY WANTS TO.

DAVE: for sure

DAVE: but that isnt the way this has to go

KARKAT: NO...

KARKAT: UUUURRAAAAGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

KARKAT: YOU'RE SAYING REALLY HORRIFIC SHIT THAT WE'RE DEFINITELY GOING TO UNPACK LATER BUT ALL I WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW IS WRAP MY ARMS AROUND YOUR BIG STUPID HEAD AND CRUSH YOUR DUMB HANDSOME SKULL.

DAVE: ... me eh

DAVE: i got a little something for you to wrap around

DAVE: and crush

KARKAT: YEAH?

KARKAT: IS THAT HOW YOU LIKE IT YOU DETESTABLE SICKO?

KARKAT: TWISTED UP AND RUNG OUT AND TUCKED BACK IN?

DAVE: yes pls

DAVE: er wait

DAVE: i mean no

DAVE: WAIT

DAVE: i mean later

DAVE: but anyways

KARKAT: YES UGH *COUGH* ANYWAYS.

KARKAT: SO YOU REALLY THINK THEY'RE TALKING ABOUT WHAT TO SAY TO HIM?

DAVE: probably

DAVE: i highly doubt theyve got plans more complex than that though

KARKAT: IT'S NOT LIKE THEY CAN AGREE BETWEEN ANY OF THE MEAGER OPTIONS GIVEN TO US.

DAVE: exactly